How the thiefking stole Slavemass!

So, some of you do or do not know it, but I'm playing in a musical of our local church (for the musical, not the church part). In this musical about Mozes, I am playing the evil Pharaoh. How I love the evil laughs in church!

Anyways, recently, I tried to convince people from the musical that we in fact did have Christmas in ancient Egypt. They did not believe me, since it was way before the birth of Christ. I could start this note with telling how I believe most of Christianity converted other religions to do their bidding, and that the date for Christmas was set by pagan's, but let's not dive further in that discussion. After all, everyone is free to believe whatever they want.

So, back to the story. I told them that in fact, we did have Christmas back then, and that I, the Pharaoh, invented it! There was only one exception, we called it "Slavemass"! Every family had to give the youngest member of their household to serve as a slave for the Farao. It was the happiest time of the year, except if you were a slave of course...

They did not believe a word I said. I got a little carried away, and started by saying my favourite Slavemass -story. Afterwards, they were flabbergasted (how I love that word!)...

So, here's the story, enjoy!



How the thiefking stole slavemass!

The Pharaoh of Egypt liked Slavemass a lot!
But the thiefking, who lived north of Egypt, did not!
The thiefking thought slavemass smelled really quite fishy,
as he stood in a manner that made him look dishy!
He grumbled aloud: "Why there is nothing more rude,
than forcing your people into eternal servitude!"
And then it occurred to this wretched man,
that he could stop Slavemass, and he had just the plan!

The Pharaoh awoke, the very next day,
wearing an outfit that made him look... handsome!
He stood at his window, and gazed at the sight,
of his people in awe, though most were in fright!
For they knew his approach could mean only one thing,
They would soon have to polish his Egyptian bling-bling!
"Merry Slavemass", he cried for each of them to hear!
"May this one be even more fun than last year!
For soon you shall each in bondage be placed,
and no not like that, wipe that smirk of your face!
For the bondage you feel isn't nearly so funny,
you will do all my chores, and won't get any money!"

The Egyptian mass let out a sigh,
and everywhere babies, started to cry!
You see Slavemass was fun for only one man,
The Egyptian Pharaoh, who looks good with his tan,
But just before the guards could make their move,
the thiefking stepped forward with something to prove!
"What good are your slaves if they have nothing to clean?"
he scowled at the Pharaoh, for he was really quite mean!
"While you were asleep, I cleaned out your home,
I even took your solid-gold-garden gnome!"

Indeed it was true, he had done as he claimed,
said the Pharaoh: "If this weren't a children's story, I'd have you maimed!"
The thiefking laughed, thinking he'd won the day,
but the Pharaoh wouldn't let some jerk have his way!
And now, since his royal throne had been taken,
it seems Slavemass was to be all but forsaken!
However, the Pharaoh knew a solution,
that would foil the thiefking's attempted retribution,
"From this day forth", the Pharaoh happily declared,
"No citizen from Egypth shall have reason to be scared!
Slavemass is cancelled, yes you heard me right!"
And all at once, there was a cry of delight!
Though short-lived, for the Pharaoh continued to say;
"People of Egypth, we'll have slavemass every day!"

A hush fell across the gathering crowd,
as the sound of the Pharaoh's voice became loud!
"Until my palace is refurbished anew,
no Egyptian goes free, not even you"
He pointed at a child, around five years of age,
"And believe me, you wish you got minimum wage!"
The thiefking saw things had grown out of hand,
as widespread panic swept over the land.
But he was powerless to stop the Pharaoh's royal guards,
after all, he couldn't bluff himself out with his facade!
And as the Pharaoh relished in his Ungodly might,
"Merry slavemass to all! And to all a good night!"



So, are you convinced now?